Q: How do you open the great lakes?
A: With the Florida Keys.
Submitted by: Backstreetgirl
Q: What has a bed that you can’t sleep in?
A: A river.
Submitted by: Kevin
Q: What did the picture say to the wall?
A: I’ve been framed.
Q: Who can hold up a bus with one hand?
A: A crossing guard.
Submitted by: Ms. Rice’s class
Q: What’s in the middle of nowhere?
A: The letter H.
Submitted by: Reily
Neighbor 1: “Why are you putting those jackets on your house?”
Neighbor 2: “Well, it says on the paint can to put three coats on.”
Submitted by: Melbahee
Q: Which candles burn longer, bee’s wax or tallow?
A: Neither, they all burn shorter.
Submitted by: FBC
Q: Why did the baseball player bring a rope to the game?
A: Because he wanted to tie the score!
Submitted by: J, B & D
Q: What kind of lights did Noah have on the ark?
A: Flood lights!
Submitted by: Harmonicasue
Q: What can you hold without using your hands?
A: Your breath!
Q: Some lettuce, an egg, and a faucet had a race. What was the result?
A: The lettuce came in ahead, the egg got beat and the faucet is still running.
Submitted by: Jordan
Q: What is the best time to go to the dentist?
A: Tooth-hurty.
Submitted by: Cortney
Q: Do you know what the Queen’s father was called?
A: King.
Submitted by: Casey
Q: What is only a small box but can weigh over a hundred pounds?
A: A scale.
Submitted by: Julie
Q: Where do computers go to dance?
A: The disk-o!
Submitted by: Tyler
Q: Why did the tree get a computer?
A: To log on.
Submitted by: Tyler
Q: What has holes all over and holds water?
A: A sponge!
Submitted by: Karmen
Q: What kind of flower has lips?
A: Two-lips!
Submitted by: Smarty
Q: When is a door not a door?
A: When it’s ajar!
Submitted by: Melissa
Two sausages were sizzling in a pan, one sausage turns to the other and says, “it’s hot in here!”
The other sausage replies, “Hey a talking sausage!”
Submitted by: Lindsay
Q: Two girls were born on the same day, same year, same parents, except they are not twins. Explain:
A: They are triplets.
Submitted by: David
Q: Why did the cookie go to the Doctor?
A: Because he was feeling crumby.
Submitted by: Jennie
Q: What do lawyers wear in court?
A: Lawsuits.
Q: Where do soldiers keep their armies?
A: In their Sleevies!
Submitted by: Antonio
Q: Who makes the best cake on a baseball team?
A: The batter.
Q: Why don’t honest people need beds?
A: They don’t lie.
Q: What did the boat say to the pier?
A: What’s up, dock?
Q: Why did the drum take a nap?
A: It was beat.
Q: Why did the cucumber call 911?
A: It was in a pickle!
Q: What runs around a yard without moving?
A: A fence.
Q: Does it take longer to run from 1st base to 2nd, or from 2nd to 3rd?
A: From 2nd to 3rd because there’s a shortstop in the middle.
Q: There were five people under one umbrella. Why didn’t they get wet?
A: It wasn’t raining!
Q: What do envelopes say when you lick them?
A: Nothing, it shuts them up!
Q: What does the winner of the race lose?
A: His breath.
Q: What did the pencil say to the paper?
A: I dot my i’s on you!
Q: What kind of table has no legs.
A: A multiplication table.
Q: What kind of band can’t play music?
A: A rubber band.
Q: What’s 182 feet tall and made out of pepperoni and cheese?
A: The leaning tower of Pizza.
Q: Who’s richer — the butcher, the baker, or the candlestick maker?
A: The baker, because he has lots of dough.
Q: What is the difference between a fly and superman?
A: Superman can fly, but a fly cannot superman!
Submitted by: Jack in the box
Q: What room can you not go into?
A: A mushroom!
Submitted by: TumTum
Q: What did the candle say to the other candle?
A: I’m going out tonight!
Submitted by: Tsz To
Q: Why did the student eat her homework?
A: Because the teacher said it was a piece of cake!
Submitted by: Candace
Q: What does the toast wear to bed?
A: Jammies!
Submitted by: Katrina
Q: How are doughnuts and golf alike?
A: They both have a hole in one!
Submitted by: JMSA
Q: Why are babies good at soccer?
A: Because they dribble!
Q: What did the picture say to the wall?
A: I’ve got you covered!
Submitted by: Maham
Two atoms are playing together when one tells the other “I lost an electron.” The second atom asks, “Are you sure?” The first atom replies “I’m positive!”
Submitted by: miles
Q: Why did the oreo go to the dentist?
A: To get his filling!
Submitted by: Caesar
Q: What is a baby’s motto?
A: If at first you don’t succeed, cry and cry again!
Submitted by: Nicole
Q: How does a train sneeze?
A: Ah-choo-choo!
Submitted by: Tay
Q: Why did a boy thow a clock out the window?
A: To see time fly.
Submitted by: Darren
Q: What are pirate’s favoite treat?
A: Chips AHOY!!
Submitted by: Jayce
Q: Why did the surfer think the sea was his friend?
A: Because it gave him a big wave!
Submitted by: Taslim
Q: What did the number 0 say to number 8?
A: Nice belt!
Submitted by: Alice
Q: What has four legs but never stands?
A: A Chair!
Q: Three people were in a boat. They all fell off. Only two people ended up with wet hair. Why didn’t the other person’s hair get wet?
A: Because he was bald!
Submitted by: Bailey Camp
Q: What did the baby corn ask the mother corn?
A: Where is pop corn?
Submitted by: Misbah/Maryam
Q: Where do cars go for a swim?
A: At the carpool!
Submitted by: Lizette
Q: Where do you go to find a million story building?
A: You go to the Library!
Submitted by: Olivia
Q. Can you use pink,yellow and green in a sentence?
A. The phone went green green, and I pinked it up and said yellow.
Submitted by: Erin
After each sentence below, say “my friend did too.”
I went to the circus.
I ate some popcorn.
I went on some rides.
I ate some cotton candy.
I got some balloons.
I got some more to eat.
The balloons popped…
MY FRIEND DID TOO!
Submitted by: CHEMSPECPC
Q: Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?
A: Because he wanted sweet dreams.
Q: Why did the spy stay in bed?
A: Because he was under cover.
Submitted by: lauren
Q:What did the clock do after it ate?
A:It went back four seconds!
Submitted by: The Banana Splits
Q: What is the opposite of a restaurant?
A: A workaraunt.
Submitted by: Aaron
Q: Why did the tomato blush?
A: Because he saw the salad dressing!
Submitted by: Vanessa
A rope walked into a restaurant and ordered a milkshake. The waiter said “Are you a rope?” The rope said “Yes.” The waiter said “We don’t serve ropes.” So, the rope went out and burnt off his ends and tied himself into a knot. The rope went back into the restaurant and ordered a milkshake. The waiter asked “Are you a rope?”. The rope said “No, I’m a frayed knot.”
Submitted by: MJW&KEP
Q: How do you make a rock float?
A: Put it in a glass with some ice cream and root beer.
Q: What’s a royal pardon?
A: It’s what the queen says after she burps.
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